Whacked out sports

I watched the Ronde on Versus last weekend. Do you think as Cancellara glided away from Boonen on the Muur, he muttered "who's specialized now, bitch?" Probably not. His English is kind of Euro-speak funny. The race wasn't really a head scratcher other than wondering if David Millar was going to make the bridge up to the leaders or blow up (he bonked). But after the race finished, Versus segued right into "Whacked Out Sports," a program that is kind of like "America's Funniest Home Vidoes" meets "America's Best Crashes (that almost kill you but not quite)." I knew I wasn't in my white, urban-suburban West Coast blue state anymore after watching clips of a young man wearing a helmet and pants that must've formerly belonged to the world's fattest man try to do wheelies on a motorcycle - and gloriously fail in a shower of sparks and minor explosions. Moving on to the next collection of crashes or athletic feats, three very tan women with bleach blonde hair and all wearing six inch lucite heels tottered across the screen and the announcer drawled as the "hotties" that had come to inspire the men to drive trucks into the backs of old trailer homes on a raceway. That's when I decided I had lost interest and was turning the TV off.

So this is Versus's audience: cyclists and transplanted Europeans alongside hunters and people who like to crash four-wheelers into hovercrafts. People who are comfortable in spandex and those who equate pant looseness as an ascertain of heterosexuality. Those who ride their bikes on the road and those who drive fast and yell at cyclists to "get off the f-king road" A few weeks ago at on a ride, we got an earful of expletives from an irate driver - big truck, an "I'd rather be hunting" sticker and camo vest. My group had been riding two abreast and could have been closer to the shoulder but we weren't, for a variety of other reasons. What happened was an angry exchange that ended with the truck speeding away and us pissed off and riding hard. And the interaction undoubtedly soured attitudes and stereotypes even further. Ironically we might both be heading home to watch the same channel but very different programs.

Of course there's hyperbole; not every fisherman and hunter hate cyclists, and some cyclists I know participate in those activities But perhaps there's a great opportunity in this disparate space for a dialogue and interaction especially about road safety. Versus seems to occupy an unique position of holding the attention and fan base of two very different groups. This might offer another type of discussion -  not one based on telling the other how to behave, but one that acknowledges the need for cognizant and respectful behavior on each side.

Eat this, not that

I recently watched Jamie Oliver's new TV show on ABC, "Food Revolution" - or I should say that I tried  to watch it. It was horrendous. Oliver, who made his name in the U.K. as the Naked Chef, is trying to help tackle the obesity problem in the U.S., starting with a a re-vamp of the school lunch program at an elementary school in Huntington, West Virginia. After winning the title of the fattest city in the U.S., you'd think Huntington's residents would at least be mildly concerned with their health, their children's health and the fact that the people of Huntington look like they're slowly being consumed by giant marshmallow bodies. I saw only one or two people in the first episode that actually had necks. The rest were - to put it bluntly - overweight and fat.



But the great people of Huntington showed Oliver that he'd have to pry their frozen pizzas, chicken fingers and chocolate milk from their cold, dead and fat hands before they'd covert to a diet of only "lettuce." They were rude, close-minded, and resistant with anything to do with changing their diet. The school lunch workers were more interested in doing their job than actually thinking about the ramifications of what they were doing to the kids.  Apparently diabetes, heart disease and seeing your children balloon into slobs aren't enough to convince people to put down the fries. If the we really wanted to get people to care about obesity, the connection between being overweight and having erectile dysfunction should be at the top of the list. Want to have a good sex life? Lose some weight.

Poor Jamie Oliver. He's up against the worst of the worst. And things are so dire that a man who wrote a book titled "How to lose friends and alienate people," is giving Oliver advice on dealing with Huntington.

Some of Huntington's kids may never taste real chicken as what they're being served in the school cafeteria might list the first ingredient as "chicken" but then has a novel's worth of chemicals on the ingredients list. These kids probably consume more high fructose corn syrup than corn.

I work in a public school in a low-income neighborhood and see what the kids eat: fried chicken patties served along side ranch dressing, chocolate milk, burritos, deep-fried egg rolls and maybe an apple or pear (which as Jamie notes, always end up in the garbage). And the school uses Styrofoam plates. It's depressing.

But some places are doing it right. There's group in Berkeley, California doing the exact same thing as Jamie Oliver. The Berkeley School Lunch Initiative is teaching kids about nutrition, cooking and healthy eating. And the contrast between Berkeley and Huntington is vast. But before the old argument of Berkeley having its leftist hippie-now-wealthy parents take care of their food program, watch the video. Nearly 40% of school kids in Berkeley are living below the poverty level. And they still get feed fresh, healthy and delicious food.



This is proof that change can happen. Food doesn't have to be fake and kids can be healthy. Adults should have necks and not need to request the special fat chair without arms at the Olive Garden. Hopefully Huntington, West Virgina figures that out.

This aggression will not stand

Like most people, I went out on the town last night. And like most people, I woke up with the taste of bacon in my mouth and the Scorpions on repeat in my head. But nothing sets your head straight like seeing the shit storm that's blowing up on Twitter (pre-NCAA tournament) about the comments ESPN radio host Tony Kornheiser made about cyclists. Apparently the fact that Kornheiser was slowed or just unamused by cyclists in the bike lanes was enough to set off a fire storm of ignorant commentary.

"Let them use the right, I'm OK with that. I don't take my car and ride on the sidewalk because I understand that's not for my car … Why do these people think that these roads were built for bicycles? ... They dare you to run them down."

My first question was - where were Kornheiser's fact checkers? There's got to be some young college kid dying to break into the sports radio industry that would at least make sure Kornheiser wasn't going on the air, spouting totally inaccurate statements, right? Right??  Otherwise, he would have had to craft a much more sophisticated argument of hatred about cyclists. But instead he went the old route, resorting to: why do these people think that these roads were built for cyclists? Well, Tony, if there are bike lanes or bike markings on that road then yes, they were built for cyclists. Those white lines and that white figure on a bicycles? That was explicitly designed for cyclists so that you don't drive your car there. Maybe it would help if the car lanes had pictures of cars added to reduce the confusion that Kornheiser seems to be suffering from.

I'm a cyclist and a driver. I vote (and pay!) for taxes, levies, etc.,  that improve the quality of our streets because I use them for a variety of types of transportation. I'm sick of this mindset of "I should only pay taxes for the things that I use." We live in a civil society which means that some of your tax dollars go towards funding programs that benefit other populations and the greater good.

There are a lot of people that think like Kornheiser. And while I can't compensate for the bad experiences he may have had with bicycles or bicyclists (learning to ride a two-wheeler can be scary Tony, we know), I can put forth a positive image every time I get on my bike wearing "the little water bottle in the back and the stupid hats and their shiny shorts." 'Cause nothings lamer or more disgusting that athletes that wear body-hugging clothing or hats (which eliminates football, baseball and a couple more popular sports).

And last but not least, Kornheiser pissed off Lance Armstrong. Really Tony? You want to tick off a dude who's won seven Tour de Frances, is one of Nike's premium athletes and has nearly 2.5 million Twitter followers?

If you want to leave a comment for Kornheiser, here's the link to ESPN's page.