Domo - Arigato, Mr. Merckx-aboto

It was probably only inevitable that my bike's purity would become comprised. I started out with Shimano as the gateway components but over the years Sram has worked its dirty (and cheaper) little parts into my gruppo. Campy bikes won't even lean against mine, and when I told my mechanic that I was into parts-swapping, he said he wouldn't judge me. But he raised his eyebrows, and spent a lot of time washing his hands after working on my bike.

But with all things kinky and bike-related, I like to know what I'm getting into. Sure, "Sram" sounds like an Eastern European pastry while "Shimano" is more like how the Japanese might describe a natural break as in "excuse me, I must shimano before we get to the feed zone." And "Campagnolo" is Italian for "I've got a  shiner legs than you and wear as much white as possible."  Campie also infers that you prefer wool jerseys, sometimes fashion your hair into a mullet as to get a better wind blown look, and might still have toe straps and leather shoes.

Eddy would never use anything that wasn't made by a Giovanni or a Leonardo.

Getting down to the gritty details of my gruppo, Sram wins in the sense that  its marketing departing chose real words to describe its products. Sure "Force" and "Rival" are simplistic but they're creative strong images like this of Jan Ullrich's gut-busting face. Now that is a picture of FORCE.

Don't use the bathroom after Jan. He doesn't light a candle.

But what about Ultegra? Dura-Ace? Tiagra? Sora? I did some research and all Shimano tells me is that Ultegra is "a solid performer," which also sounds like an Ullrich bowel movement.  Dura-Ace gets all the quality marketing attention with this campaign of Shimano-Yumeya. According to the website, "yumeya" means "dream workshop," which may be another phrase that is lost in translation. Or maybe Shimano HQ pipes in some Gary Wright songs to inspire creativity. However, looking up Dura-Ace in an online Kanji dictionary I got "hairpiece or wig."

I think I'll stick with what I can understand. Unless I decide to pervert my new Sram gruppo with these colorful KCNC brakes.

Rim to the road

Someone in the rubber industry hates me. This is the only logical way to explain the rash of flat tires I've had recently. And like all kind of rashes, this one is driving me a  bit crazy. I spend more time on the side of the road using a pump the size of a tampon and looking like I'm giving a handjob to someone than I do actually on my bike.All this pumping action is going to give me biceps like one of those dudes on "Jersey Shore."

 

Here's the part where most people say things like, "you should try new tubes/tires/not riding through fields of glass," but in truth I've been a rubber-whore. I've tried out Continental, Schwalbe, Vittoria, Specialized, Panaracer, Michelin, chewing gum, etc. I've booted, patched, replaced what at last count I estimated to be about 423 tubes over the past couple years.

Coincidentally some one at this PDX company must have had me in mind when designing the Magic Flute, a stylish bike pump made for those down on on their tire luck. If only they needed someone to product test...

Life on the cheap

Is there anything more satisfying that saving yourself some money? Unless you're the Canadian hockey team and just waking up from your Molson Ice-gold medal hangover, probably not. And I just saved myself some money this weekend. Here's how:

Cheap Car Repair 101:  I live in a place with a lot of rain. I only like to be wet when I'm outside and/or racing cyclocross. I do not like to be wet in my car. So when my car rack started to wear through my weatherstripping (which kind of sounds like the name for a hippy stripper), I was not happy. No one likes to be wet in their car. No one should be wet in their car. And so with a swiftness and decisiveness that would make the Obama administration jealous, I found a quick and cheap fix as opposed to buying and installing new weatherstripping.

Solution: old bike tubes. I might not have created cold fusion but I found a use for my old bike tubes and reinforced/repaired my weatherstripping.

Cheap Coffee 101: I'm new to drinking coffee. It was only in the past couple of years that I discovered the manic wonderfulness of being caffeinated. But there's a recession going on and creamy lattes are only for those getting Goldman Sachs-type of bonuses. A barista filled me in on how to enjoy frothy coffee on the cheap.

Solution: French press lattes. With instant coffee or French press coffee, some flavor (if that's what your into) and milk, you can make a decent latte. Heat up the milk, add it to the French press and froth. So easy. So cheap. Other people might have figured this stuff all about before me but I am pretty darn pleased.

 

Not bad, matey?